#1 June 29, 1991
M/c'd at early stage. Didn't know I was pregnant. M/c lasted 6 weeks. A lot of heavy bleeding, and clots. Nothing big just small clots, more or less like a really heavy, bad period. Got pregnant right after. Never had a cycle in between. Healthy, full-term pregnancy the next time.
#2 Jan. 17, 2006
M/c'd exactly one week after finding out I was pregnant. Had the m/c at home. It took roughly a week or so. Had about 30 minutes of severe cramping the day I passed the placental tissue. Then it was over. Bleeeding lasted about a week after that. But it was moderate to light.
#3 Jan. 15th, 2010
Found out on the 12th that the baby had died at 10 weeks. I was 15 weeks gestation. Dr talked us into D&C. I really didn't want one. Had it anyway. Bleeding last two more weeks or so.
#4 July 25th, 2010
This baby was, ironically, due on Jan. 15th. Made it to 15 weeks again. Baby had died at 11-12 weeks. I had the baby at home. I passed the baby, but then it took 9 more days before I passed the placenta. There was no pain passing the baby at all. But the afterbirth was a different story. I went into true all out labor. It lasted about 3 hours from beginning to end. But the moment the placenta passed, it was over. Then it was back to the hormonal emotion floodgate. I had to go through it twice with this one. We buried the baby beneath a red bud tree that's right in front of our house. It was a baby boy, no mistaking that. I made a cushion and a blanket out of flannel and placed them in a small box. It was the one and only time I would ever get to tuck my baby boy into bed.
#5 May 10, 2011
I made it to 15.5 weeks this time. Baby died at 12-13 weeks. I had heard the heartbeat the week before it died. The dr thought everything was good to go. No go. He didn't seem very impressed with me when I told him I was going to have this one at home, too. But, he knew he couldn't argue with me. I waited it out for almost two weeks. Then when it finally did happen, I was basically home alone. My 15yo and 13 yo kids were here, as were my two toddlers. My 19yo and my husband were both at work. I figured I could use the bathroom, pass the baby, and make it back to bed, before I passed out. Passing out was going to be a given. I had passed out from blood loss last time. I had prepped the bathroom. I had a strainer (to catch the baby), towels, pads and everything else I needed was there. I took the phone with me into the bathroom every time just in case. This was the time. After I passed the baby I called my husband. Bawling. I told him that the baby was a girl. He asked if I was ok, I told him I was. At that moment I was. We hung up, and then the heavy bleeding came on. I was literally pouring blood. It just poured out. I sat there for about a minute or so. I thought that it had mostly stopped. Slowed more or less. But I knew I wasn't going to make it out of the bathroom any time soon. My kids were all watching tv, or on their computers in the next room. They had no idea what was going on. They just knew that I had been spending long periods of time in the bathroom for days. They knew I was going to pass the baby, just not when. At least the older ones did. Since I knew I was going to pass out, I laid a towel on the floor, by spreading it out as I laid down. I couldn't hear anything but the intense pounding in my ears. The blood was pounding. I was passing out. All I remember was praying "Please, Heavenly Father! Don't let me die! Not like this. Not alone with my kids! Please don't let me die!" I prayed this over and over in the few seconds it took to lay down on the floor, before I did finally pass out.
In those moments of silence I had what I will call a vision. I saw what looked like a doorway that is lit from inside, but dark around the outside. Like if you were going to someone's house at night and the inside is lit, but the porch light is off. There were shadows inside, they were blurred. There was a man just inside the doorway. Standing at the threshold. There was a woman standing just to the right of him, but outside. I was a distance away and couldn't see their faces, just the general outlines. She was in a robe, romanesque you might call it. Or toga-like. She had long flowing hair, color I don't know for sure but it seemed dark. As I looked at the scene, she turned and looked at me, then she came at me, glided would be the right description, it happened fast. She held up her left hand to me in the sign of "stop". No words were spoken. I never saw her face. My eyes opened immediately. I had a weird feeling like I had been shocked. I have accidentally electrocuted myself a few times as a kid, and know what that charge feels like. That's exactly what this felt like. I laid there, wondering if I had died, and been sent back. I will never know for sure, no-one else was there to tell me or see it as a witness. But I think I may have. Or maybe God "showed" me that I should not worry, it wasn't my time yet.
After laying there for several minutes, I had a really bad case of diarrhea. I could do nothing about it. I just laid ther and prayed that my kids wouldn't need the bathroom. At this point my husband tried calling. I couldn't reach the phone. I had left it on the counter when I laid down. I could only stare at it and watch it light up every time it rang, and see the number on the display. My kids assumed I had the phone, so they didn't answer it. It took all of the energy I had to raise my voice loud enough for my daughter to hear me, and get her to answer the phone. She came to the door to give me the phone, but I manged to push against it and tell her to just hand me the phone, down on the floor. That's when she freaked out. I had to tell her more than once that I was ok. My husband asked if I was ok, he was on his way home but it would be over an hour before he could get there. Did I need someone else to come? No. I'm ok. I'm just going to lay here (in all this mess) and wait a bit til I feel I can get up and go to bed. Did I mention that I'm a bit of an idiot? We hung up and I laid there for at least a half hour. I then sat up carefully, just to make sure I wouldn't pass out. Lucky me the washer was empty, I put the messy towels in. Then I cleaned the floor with Mr.Clean and some rags and threw them in too. I had to sit down each time I did one thing. It took me at least a half hour to clean the floor. When I was done cleaning, and the Baby was tucked into her box, I left the bathroom, telling my daughter to round everyone up into her bedroom and close the door. I only had a towel on. I hurried to my room and closed the door. I grabbed my pajamas off the end of the bed and laid down to get dressed. I was weak from blood loss and felt woozy the whole time. I prayed my husband would get home soon, or at least my older son. After a while I felt well enough to sit up, so I did, and took some pictures of my baby. I got her footprints and handprints as well. We buried her the next day under the same tree her brother is under. Side by side.
