Cycle 20...?

I'm guessing my age is changing my cycles. I used to spot the day before, then I'd have my period for five days and be done. Now I never know what the blast is coming at me! I have had as much as a week and a half of spotting, to none. I have had 2-3 days of bleeding to as many as 5. I used to have ONE day of heavy bleeding, now it can be up to 3-4. I just NEVER know what it's going to be.

My theory......pre-menopausal.

That sucks.

Only because I want to get pregnant. If I hadn't lost the last three pregnancies, or at least the last one...I would be saying BRING IT ON! Let's get this show on the road! Git 'Er Done! End this crap!

But, I still feel the intense need to have a baby. I know that sounds crazy. Some who might read this will think I have lost my mind. That I'm being completely selfish. But I say to those people...Bite Me! You haven't walked my path! You haven't tried on my shoes! You didn't hold my babies in your hand. Yes, hand. They were so small they could be held in ONE hand. The palm of ONE hand. You didn't bury those babies. You didn't plant flowers under the tree where they are buried. You have no idea what I have gone through emotionally, mentally, or physically. So pipe down. Thank you.

So, not sure if this is cycle 20 yet or not. Don't know what friggin day I'm on. Don't know if I should take the soy or not....just don't know.

So today, I start the garage clean out. All the baby stuff that I'm NOT keeping is headed to consignment. I am motivated. I have my son and his family moving here in 3.5 weeks. Ohboy. I have so much to do!!! I have to clean out the one house as well as the garage to put the stuff from the house. OY. Wish I wasn't such a pack rat right now. Our weather is in the high 60's today, pushing 70 (!), so I HAVE to get on it! The only problem is that it's raining! Grrrrrrr!

So, after all my babbling, I guess I'm just whining about whether or not my period has started or not.